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... oots in childhood with an emotionally unavailable parent. It is a result of low self-esteem from childhood. The above personalities are just a selection of the many reasons that research indicates men cheat. However, there seems to be an overarching idea concerning infidelity that no matter the reason, the aura of romance and intrigue is compelling, especially when reality feels barren or boring. Affairs promise so much: an opportunity to pursue dreams that have been dormant, to come alive again, to find someone who truly understands. Their hidden promise is pain. Affairs seem to offer a solution or a method of feeling good to many men. What these men dont understand is the negativity that accompanies infidelity.
A Plan of Attack Besides these general personality types, there are also socio-economic factors which determine the likelihood of extra-marital sex in a marriage. According to Daniel Weiss, seventy percent of men who make over seventy thousand dollars a year cheat on their wives. Also, the sons of adulterous males are also more likely to be unfaithful. Another problem is found in the fact that one of the most basic reasons for extra-marital affairs lies in human nature: the desire to establish human relationships on any level. Yablonsky writes that most married men are not running away from their wives and family, but are running toward enlarging their human contracts and relationships. Most, over ninety percent, have few complaints about their wife and home.
Given that many of the personality types, and most extenuating circumstances are uncontrollable by the prospective cheater, the possibility of eliminating unfaithfulness from ones life seems grim. While one might realize that he doesnt want to cheat, there are many outside forces that further complicate the situation. Through this research, and also through the insight that Ive gained in Marriage 101, I have come to the conclusion that the most effective way to avoid marital problems, including infidelity, is through some sort of communication. Personally, I feel that marriage counseling, at least on a somewhat regular basis, is beneficial regardless of the level of conflict in the marriage. To me, it seems that when communication is present, most marital problems can be avoided. Infidelity is no different.
Many theorists agree with my notion that knowledge is power in resisting infidelity. Corey writes that the first thing a person who is considering cheating must do is be made aware of the underlying reasons for his cheating. For every type of cheater, self-realization would help to identify, and hopefully eliminate the part of their personality that made them prone to cheating. My Personal Outlook Through researching this project, I became somewhat aware of certain issues that might affect my inability to remain faithful. While I dont find myself lined-up exactly with one of the above personality types, I do feel that I inhabit certain characteristics that would make me more prone to cheating. The first thing that might influence my loyalty is the relationship I have seen my father have with my mom. As a public entertainer, my father must regularly surprise and humor his audience.
In an effort to align himself with the common man, I feel that sometimes he has treated my mom with less respect than she deserves. I have listened to my dad talk about other women on the radio, and I have seen him french kiss women during concerts. While he was joking, this sort of behavior always filled me with a feeling of rage. Because my father was an alcoholic, I have become very protective of my mother, and the fact that he doesnt treat her with the kindest respect really bothers me. To be honest, sometimes I find it hard to believe that in all of his years of drinking my dad was completely faithful to my mom. Although I dont feel that I will emulate my fathers actions, I think that I might someday act in much the same way as a way to understand his choices. Im not sure if this is common, but its a feeling that I have.
Another reason that I might be prone to cheat is a result of my low self-esteem. I have never been the most confident person. As a way to assuage that feeling I have come to associate relationships with women as a confidence booster. I have found myself dating beautiful girls who werent my type (and thats the nice way to say it) simply because they made me feel good about myself. If anything, I think that this is indicative of the fact that Ill have to be very careful when I grow up. Because of these two very important indicators, I feel that I am very highly at risk for being an unfaithful person. However, my reasons for being a prospective cheater are not so much a result of a physical need, but rather the fulfillment of some other area of my life. Despite this, I feel that I am more than willing to undertake what I feel is the most beneficial solution: I want to learn about myself.
I am not afraid to admit that I have faults, and I regularly work to realize and improve those faults. Hopefully, I will be able to communicate with my wife so that she understands what I am going through and can help me. One reason that I think marital counseling is a great idea is that it sets the groundwork for this type of communication, and makes this type of interaction regular. Counseling sessions set the scene for open and honest discussion. Conclusion Infidelity is one of the most frightening prospects about marriage to me. The idea of love, and finding another person to spend ones life with is an amazingly comforting and desirable situation for me.
The thought that someone could taint the groundwork of such a relationship is frightening. Emily Brown writes that it is rare to find one single force that propels a married man into extra-sexual activity; most men have varied reasons for having extra-sex under different situations and conditions. The true challenge comes in being able to identify, and hopefully amend those situations and conditions. However, I have concluded that identifying the reason men cheat as being purely physical is not beneficial in trying to understand the psyche of the male infidel. What is important is that we realize that there are hidden emotional issues to what I suspect is a majority of unfaithful men. These men arent after sex, but rather the emotional meaning that sex has come to signify for them. Ideally, however, prospective cheaters will realize that given the many possible dangers of having sex outside of marriage these days, it is almost never worth it to jeopardize ones marriage for a few moments of psuedo-pleasure.
To do this, communication is a must. Works Consulted (particularly for The Specific Reasons Why) Brown, Emily, Patterns of Infidelity and their Treatment. New York: Brunner/Mazel, Inc., 1991. Carter, Steven, and Sokol, Julia. Men Who Cant Commit. New York: Berkley Books, 1988. Corey, Michael, Why Men Cheat: Psychological Profiles of the Adulterous Male.
Springfield: Charles Thomas Publusher, 1989. Yablonsky, Leweis. The Extra-sex Factor, New York: Times Books, 1979..
Research essay sample on Infidelity In Men: More Than Just Sex
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